Shit Skinny Girls Say To Fat Girls (by EzzieRose)
Thankfully I’ve not gotten most of these (at least, not to my face). But that’s because I don’t befriend assholes, skinny or fat.
This is a fantastic, well-written, well-performed song and is a hell of a lotta fun besides.
Old Gods of Asgard: “Balance Slays the Demon - Single” (by zippo685)
Trunkards #20. And here we have the introduction of Slim, who has become a fan favorite. Yes, he will be back. Good ol’ Slim.
© 2012 Rick Hutchins
1. Moustache-twirling.
You’d think this one would be obvious, but whether it’s social conditioning via Looney Toons and old movies or something else entirely, all too many great authors fall prey to this cartoonish artifice. Moustache-twirling is a category I use for the apparent body-language of a villain: stroking facial hair (if male), filing fingernails, caressing a globe as he openly dreams of world/galactic domination, being ooey-gooey with a favorite pet, eating messily, being either very fat, very thin, very short, or very tall.
2. The laugh.
Villains are apparently quite jolly. This artifice is typically a shortcut for showing some kind of sociopathy. It’s apparently one thing to want to kills lots of people, but it’s quite another to do so with a big ole smile on your face. Gratingly, authors tend to go into lavish detail when describing the villain-laugh: chuckling, har-har-ing, roaring, and the ironic mwahaha are examples.
3. The parade of evil.
Sometimes I wonder how some of these cartoonish villains got as far as they did, given how open they are with their evil tendencies. They might as well have a giant fireworks display of rockets colliding into planets hovering over their heads at all times. From casual threats of murder and genocide to loose morals and addictions, it’s like the author’s trying to convince his readers: “This is a super evil awful guy, see? See?!” by piling on as much apparent evil qualities as he can.
4. The blustery dick-sidekick to the effeminate, ultra-evil true villain.
Sometimes I wonder how this got to be an actual thing. I think it has something to do with latent homophobia/sexism on the part of the author, though that’s a giant can of worms I’m not about to pop at the moment.
1. Moustache-twirling.
Don’t do it! Take your villain’s hand away from that beard/goatee. If you must give your villain some kind of physical tic, then by all means do so, but be original. Have him do something that’s cute for a normal person but when he does it, takes on a sinister quality (andno, I don’t mean pet a cat. NOT THAT ONE).
2. The laugh.
How about…not having your villain laugh at all? There’s a concept. Why should the bad guy get all the hyucks, anyway? If you must have him or her laugh, however, there are many less-paved routes. Giggling, for instance. Wheezing. Hmm-hmm-ing. Going “teh, teh, teh.” Be creative—I beg you!
3. The parade of evil.
Pick something. One thing. Maybe two. Drill down deep. Sinister is the key.
4. The blustery dick-sidekick to the effeminate, ultra-evil true villain.
Sometimes it’s great to pair villains to contrast and compare their sinister qualities. But take a lesson from the Twilight Zone on this one: there’s little more sinister than a husband-and-wife team committed to a life of crime for the sheer thrill of it. The point is that while true evil is both mundane and flashy, it is mostly mundane.
Your Turn: What are your red flags of lazy villain-building? And how do you spice up your bad guys?
Riley on Marketing (by dbarry1917)
This is awesome. The pinkify-ing of stuff was bad when I was a kid, but it’s just NUTS now. About 10 years ago this whole Princess marketing thing started, and it makes my skin crawl. I never thought the 80s and 90s was going to be such a liberating time to be a child, but compared to the 20-teens it was the freaking Renaissance.